Flawless

Nicole Lue

Ms. Parham

AP Language and Composition, Period 3

June 17, 2013

Flawless

“It is proof of the shallowness of the doctrine of beauty, as it lies in the minds of our amateurs, that men seem to have lost the perception of the instant dependence of form upon soul.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson, “The Poet”

There she was. She was always that girl that everyone praised. She appeared perfect—smart, athletic, came from a good family. I don’t know about all that. I never really understood what all the hype was about.  She is average height, has brown hair and brown eyes—nothing special. But, there just seemed to be something about her, some inner drive and determination—something that drew people to her. You want to know her name? Well, it doesn’t matter, we’ll just refer to this girl as “Her.”

 I hate Her, yet I love Her at the same time. She is my best friend and worst enemy. Still, it is almost as if it is impossible for me not to love her. She is just, well…Her.

From the moment I entered Kindergarten I knew I was different. All of the other kids would giggle with their friends during naptime, while I stared at the clock determined to catch the hour hand move, even if it was just a centimeter. Sure, I had friends. I had lots of “friends.” My mother was meticulous about setting up play dates for me, but most of the time, I really just wanted to be alone. I simply knew I was different. Before I knew it, I was about to graduate from high school. I had been waiting for this moment for so long, and now it was only a matter of hours before I would be walking across the stage. So much had changed from that year of Kindergarten, yet everything seemed exactly the same. I have friends, I go to parties, I get by in school. But nothing is great, nothing is okay. I am empty, I have no idea who I am. My life felt just about as put together as the five-dollar DVD bin at Walmart.

Then there is Her. She was so desperate to please others, and please she does. She was always the first called at assemblies to get awards—the definition of a teacher’s pet. It was when she felt this acceptance where she thrived. There was never a time where she wasn’t surrounded by friends—so full of confidence. She appeared untouchable.

As I stare at her long brown hair, flaming smile, designer clothes, and deep brown eyes, I flash back to the time when she spoke at our middle school graduation. Her voice calm, and her words so fluid it was as if I was listening to tea pour out of a spout. She must have been so proud. Such pride I will never know, for I was suppressed—pushed aside. It was her time to shine, not mine. She had a flame beneath her pan—so exuberant, so alive. Her body glowed with the warmth of the fire within her.

It’s not that I am obsessed with her or anything. She interests me. She makes me feel real. There are very few times I can remember feeling so alive without her presence. She takes pieces of me that I do not have the courage to express. She has the ability to take the best and show it to the world. Perhaps this is why she appears flawless. But maybe she’s more complex than everyone thinks. The equation r=4 appears simple, easy to graph, and perfectly solvable. But, what most people don’t realize is that this equation does not represent an ordinary line—it is a circle, one of the most mysterious, never-ending, side-less shapes. It has no beginning and no end. That is how I see Her, forever in a reoccurring loop of flawless smiles and perfect demeanor. There’s more to her than meets the eye.

 The same, I suppose, can apply to me. I’m quiet and easily belittled. I have spent most of my life living in quiet desperation and for a while I thought I would go to the grave with my song still dying to escape. And if it were not for Her, that song probably would never have been set free. I would have spent the rest of my life in resignation. But she changed that all for me.  To this day she teaches me what it means to speak to the world. Such speech does not always occur through words, sometimes it is through actions. I learned to pick up sports as a way to release my physical tension, but it was through the act of writing that I was able to release the weight on                                                                                           my soul. The pan of my body had finally been heated by the fire within me. My spirit was buzzing. Was this completion? Was this what it felt like to be whole without her? Frankly, I’m not sure. What does it mean to be “complete,” anyway? Who gets to define that? Who gets to decide? Maybe I should go ask Her, since everyone else seems to think she knows everything. Yet, I know for a fact that even Her does not know the answers to these questions.

I consider myself an observer. I was not blessed with the ear to translate nature into beautiful strings of words, but I was given the eyes and the mirror to see all of the world that reflects back at me. My years of listening to everything around me show that there are two sides to every person. There is who we are and there is whom we are perceived as. So different, yet one Being. We try and strike a balance between these two, once again hoping to reach that state of completion. We read about these paradise-like states that can be achieved. Whether it be Nirvana or Heaven, we like to believe that there is something better—something fuller. This is what we’re all ultimately after.

These days everyone tries so hard. Day in and day out, I watch people change and mold to the newest stereotypes. One day you have to have the newest two hundred dollar shoes, and the next those same shoes are old news. This shows our craving for fulfillment. We all want to believe that there is some true understanding of who we are just waiting to be discovered. Common thought is that the only way to achieve this completion is to be perfect by society’s standards. Even Her is guilty of this. Some say she is as close to perfect as one can get, but I know this can’t be true.

We’re all after the pursuit of happiness. Every friend we make, every job we take, and every decision we make most likely is to try to obtain happiness for ourselves or for someone else. This is where the origins of the journey for completion that both Her and I are on lies. The association made with completeness and happiness is where the cycle begins. She is stuck in this never-ending cycle. Once an object is in motion, it will not rest unless acted upon by an external force. This is the most fundamental concept taught in physics. She needs someone to free her, she needs—as Newton would say—an external force. She needs me. She needs a little more individuality; she needs to be a little more of who she really is.

Her and I talk quite often. Maybe talking isn’t the right word to describe what we do—we argue. We see things differently, yet we have the same attributes. We are both hard working and honest, but there is an essential divide lingering between us. A pitfall so large, many would consider us polar opposites. She conforms, I do not. She cares so much about being accepted. Pecola from The Bluest Eye prayed for blue eyes every night, she wanted to fit in. She wanted to be “normal.” Her didn’t want blue eyes, but she craved the acceptance that they symbolized. Looking at Her from an outside perspective, you wouldn’t be able to tell how hard she tries to fit in. But that’s just it—this trying is her blue eyes. For this reason, I try—somewhat futilely—to separate myself. As Douglass felt about his white oppressors so I feel about her.

People see Her, but they don’t see Me. Tears stream down my face at this thought. Her begins to cry as well. I want to be happy, be complete. I don’t understand why. I understand a lot of things, but I cannot and do not understand why it must always be Her. I feel empty. I tell Her to go away, I tell her that I don’t want her here anymore, I tell her to let me sit by myself, I tell Her that I want to be alone, but she does not listen. She does not leave—she cannot leave, and secretly, I never really wanted her to.

I looked up from the ground and into her eyes. Her’s so warm, mine so cold. We stare at each other for a long while, holding a freezing hot stare. Where others saw a flaming smile, I saw a shallow one. Where others saw depth in her eyes, I only saw emptiness.  I couldn’t help but think that completion isn’t something we can achieve in this lifetime. She may seem perfect but cutting down to her core, we are the same. We dream, we wish, and we hope that one day we can show our true selves to someone who is willing to see.  I broke the stare and looked down at the floor. She was gone from my sight, but I could still feel her. I finally turned away from the mirror and realized that even though Her and I weren’t the same, we were both me. I was struggling against a current that brought Her inside myself. “Do I contradict myself? Very well then….I contradict myself; I am large….I contain multitudes.” Together we are somewhat The Poet, we are as close to completion as can be in this lifetime. Everyone has a Her or a Him, and while they’re important on the journey to completion, you can’t let them overshadow the Me.  I put the graduation cap upon Her head and our voices blended into one as we practiced reciting the valedictorian speech one last time.

Notes

Pg. 1

1.     “I hated her, yet I loved her at the same time,”—Paradox

2.     “From the moment I entered Kindergarten…”—Anecdote

3.     “I have friends, I go to parties, I get by in school”—Parallel structure

4.     “My life felt just about as put together as the five dollar DVD bin at Walmart.”—Analogy

Pg. 2

1.     “As I stared at her long brown hair, crooked smile…”—Imagery

2.     “…and please she did,”—Inverse word order

3.     “It was as if I was listening to tea pour out of a spout,”—Simile

4.     “Flame beneath her pan” Emerson, “The Poet” (1)

5.     “Her body glowed…”—Metaphor

6.     “The equation r=4…” Larson, PreCalculus (675)

7.     “Living life in quiet desperation…” Thoreau, Walden (89)

Pg. 3

1.     “Was this completion…?”—Rhetorical Questions

2.      “The ear to translate nature…” Emerson, “The Poet” (5)

3.     “The eyes and the mirror…” Emerson, “The Poet” (11)

4.     “Listening all around me…” Whitman, Song of Myself (60)

Pg. 4

1.     “The pursuit of happiness” Jefferson, The Declaration of Independence (1)

2.     “Once an object is in motion…” Hecht, Physics Alegbra/Trig

 (15)

3.     “Blue eyes” Morrison, The Bluest Eye

Pg. 5

1.     “As Douglass felt about his white oppressors…” Douglass, “What to the Slave is the Fourth of July (2)

2.     “Blue eyes” Morrison, The Bluest Eye

3.     “Freezing hot stare,”—Oxymoron

4.     “I was struggling against a current…” Hamid, The Reluctant Fundamentalist (102)

5.     “Do I contradict myself?...” Whitman, Song of Myself (96)

6.     “The Poet” Emerson, “The Poet”

Revised Barf Blog: A Humorous Insight into the Food Industry

Barf Blog is successful in neatly displaying information written for both the average person and the highly respected doctor. That being said, some of the blogs and blog categories appear to be off topic from the subject of food safety. Those blogs that are focused succeed in letting the everyday person know what scary things might be lurking in the deep depths of their freezer. In today’s world, big food companies are hesitant to release recalls on their products unless they are absolutely sure—with the purpose of preventing panic. Barf Blog is not a big company. Instead, the creators of this blog have created an easy way for the people to find out what’s really going on their pantry.

The public tends to be attracted to a visually appealing website. Barf Blog succeeds in doing this. Yes, the name seems at first a little gross, but the clean layout and earthy color pallet convinces the reader otherwise.  Once the layout draws the reader in, the relatable blogs on the very first tab will hold his attention. Whether you become paranoid about the frozen berries you had in your smoothie this morning or are drawn in by the research that says picking your noise might be good for you, you’ll want to read more.  Once a reader has entered the blog section of the website, she can explore a world of topics—and I literally mean a world. One can read about steak tartare (complete with a Mr. Bean video) and then read the blog entitled “Poop Doggy Dog Part II,” regarding Salmonella found in dog food. Have a question on food or where it comes from? Chances are you can find a blog or Infosheet. The doctors who write the blogs present the information in a humorous manner--hence the "Poop Doggy" title. This widens the audience to young people who may not be initially interested in food or diseases like E. Coli. 

At first glance, it may seem like the blogs are written by normal people with an interest in food safety. One blog written by Doug Powell starts off with how he had to explain what sequestration was to his mother—not exactly how a typical medical paper starts off. When reading this blog, I could picture myself having to explain the exact same thing to my own mother. We all have those moments. If you still have any doubt regarding the credibility of the blogs, the 'About Us' tab explains the qualifications of the doctors that post—they constantly argue with each other and make sure that they are all on the very top of their game in regards to keeping facts straight and not misleading the public. Knowing that the information comes from doctors and not just random people blogging in their free time gives the reader a sense of security in the information given. Listen people, these doctors actually know what they’re talking about.

Despite the credibility and wide variety of information on food, a few of the categories are, for lack of a better phrase, wacky and weird. One of these sections is in fact called the “Wacky and Weird” category, in which there is a selection of both war and biting soccer player articles. I will give the website credit for the name of this category, for it is indeed wacky and weird. I do appreciate the attempt to gain an audience through different interests, but I believe the same result could have been achieved through the other blogs about food related topics. These random blogs caused confusion, and although still written by doctors, detracted from the overall credibility. Despite the few arbitrary posts, Barf Blog exposes the inner workings of the food industry. It can help us all think twice about eating whatever food ends up on our plate or about eating the frozen tator tots or the questionable food in the plastic casing. This blog can help us stay safe in whatever food endeavors we choose. 

Barf Blog: A Humorous Insight into the Food Industry

Criteria: Relevant blogs that have to do with “safe food from farm to fork” Relatable language and situations discussed in the blogs—seems like it was written to be read by normal people not extremely smart doctors A page to establish credibility and explain purpose Information available to a wide audience, not just written Barf Blog is successful in neatly displaying information written for both the average person and the highly respected doctor. That being said, some of the blogs and blog categories appear to be off topic from the subject of food safety. The public tends to be attracted to a visually appealing website. Barf Blog succeeds in doing this. Yes, the name seems at first a little gross, but the clean layout and earthy color pallet convinces the reader otherwise.  Once the layout draws the reader in, the relatable blogs on the very first tab will most likely hold his attention. Once a reader has entered the blog section of the website, she can explore a world—and I literally mean a world. One can read about steak tartare (complete with a Mr. Bean video) and then read the blog entitled “Poop Doggy Dog Part II,” regarding Salmonella found in dog food. Have a question on food or where it comes from? Chances are you can find a blog or Infosheet. The doctors who write the blogs present the information in a humorous manner--hence the "Poop Doggy" title. This widens the audience to teenagers who may not be initially interested in food or diseases like E. Coli.  At first glance, it may seem like the blogs are written by normal people with an interest in food safety. One blog written by Doug Powell starts off with how he had to explain what sequestration was to his mother—not exactly how a typical medical paper starts off. This is a key feature that attracts readers. The 'About Us' tab explains the qualifications of the doctors that post. Knowing that the information comes from doctors and not just random people blogging in their free time gives the reader a sense of security in the information given. Despite the credibility and wide variety of information on food, some of the categories seem slightly irrelevant. There is a “Wacky and Weird” section in which there is a selection of both war and biting soccer player articles. I will give the website credit for the name of this category, for it is indeed wacky and weird. I do appreciate the attempt to gain an audience through different interests, but I believe the same result could have been achieved through the other blogs about food related topics. These random blogs caused confusion, and although still written by doctors, detracted from the overall credibility. Despite the few arbitrary posts, Barf Blog exposes the inner workings of the food industry.

Pieces of the Puzzle

Food has always been there. From late night study sessions to early morning ice hockey practices, food was the singular thing that was always there. It was always the one thing that was held constant throughout my chaotic life. My diet helped me to fit into the puzzle of my community. Food was part of my culture—my culture as an athlete. My whole life was never all about sports; at least that’s what I thought. Never did I think my life was all about food either. Food and sports were both things I took for granted. It is only in hindsight that I realized my whole lifestyle and diet was sports oriented.

What makes a team great isn’t always the talent. It’s the chemistry. It’s the pregame pasta parties, the constant intake of energy bars and protein shakes, and the celebratory dinners. When you’re burning thousands of calories a day, food is fuel, not something to fear. My entire life, I have always been able to eat whatever I liked without having to worry. I never sweated the extra cupcake or the three bowls of pasta because I knew that as an athlete, I would burn it off.  I always used to pride myself in being the one to always eat the most amongst my school friends. I would secretly indulge in the pleasure of being able to eat all the junk food and carbs I wanted without compromising my health.

This all changed when I lost everything I had taken for granted. I went from being “Nicole, the hockey star” to “Nicole, the gimpy girl in the sling.” I never could have imagined that my dislocated shoulder would mark the start of my battle with food. Food was my friend, now turned enemy. There was nothing better than enjoying all my favorite foods, knowing I would be exercising later. I no longer have that luxury. These days, food is all I can think about. Food was my addiction, and now I’m facing the side effects. It is not that I crave eating large amounts, but I do crave the freedom of not worrying about my weight.

            My injury has caused my body to change, but the culture I’ve always known has not. The people around me have not changed. It kills me having to go to a pasta party and watch the rest of my team eat bowls and bowls of pasta in preparation for the game—the game I will not be playing in.  It is unreasonable for me expect my peers and teammates to adjust to my new lifestyle, yet, deep down, I still hope that they will. It is a selfish desire, I know, but change is hard. I am the piece that no longer fits to the rest of their puzzle. Food is no longer the constant in which I can rely on. Instead, it is time to strike a new balance in my life. It is time to restructure my puzzle piece. 

DOMA Rhetorical Analysis

MR. CLEMENT: With respect, Justice Kennedy, that's not right. No State loses any benefits by recognizing same-sex marriage. Things stay the same. What they don't do is they don't sort of open up an additional class of beneficiaries under their State law for — that get additional Federal benefits. But things stay the same. And that's why in this sense -­-

JUSTICE GINSBURG: They're not — they're not a question of additional benefits. I mean, they touch every aspect of life. Your partner is sick. Social Security. I mean, it's pervasive. It's not as though, well, there's this little Federal sphere and it's only a tax question. It's — it's — as Justice Kennedy said, 1100 statutes, and it affects every area of life. And so he was really diminishing what the State has said is marriage. You're saying, no, State said two kinds of marriage; the full marriage, and then this sort of skim milk marriage.

The Supreme Court is filled with rhetoric—usually used with the intent to persuade. Mr. Clement and Justice Ginsburg are known to have different points of views on the constitutionality of DOMA, which makes the rhetoric between these two even more intriguing. Mr. Clement is making his case for the constitutionality of DOMA, while Justice Ginsburg—clearly on the liberal side—gives perspective for the other side of the argument. In this piece of argument, Justice Ginsburg is successful in using rhetorical devices to make her point regarding the unfair aspects of DOMA, while Mr. Clement’s argument falls slightly short.

Mr. Clement’s main argument throughout the court case revolves around the idea of uniformity among the states. This argument can be classified as a scare tactic logical fallacy in the sense that Clement is implying that without uniformity in marriage, we would be entering a frightening period of “unknown.” Similarly, this passage also reveals another logical fallacy on the part of Clement. Clement argues “no State loses any benefits by recognizing same-sex marriage.” This is indeed technically true, but Clement's argument has no backing. It is true, that under DOMA states are not penalized for recognizing same-sex marriage. However, this implies that all individuals engaged in these “recognized” same-sex marriages have the same federal benefits as a heterosexual couple. This is ironic because under DOMA (federal law), these individuals hardly receive any federal benefits. Therefore, there really are not any “benefits” for the states to lose in terms of these same-sex marriages. On the surface, Mr. Clement’s argument may seem plausible, but when examined closely, the logic is not there. His reliance on the idea of uniformity on the federal level, but choice on the state level just does not make sense. If federal law will take precedence at the end of the day, state law will not make much of a difference when it comes to benefits for same-sex couples.

Justice Ginsburg counters Clement with a hard-hitting and an almost humorous tone. She quickly points out that the argument has nothing to do with additional benefits for the states, and then uses an interesting mix of pathos and logos to strengthen her upcoming, sound-bite worthy metaphor. She makes the ideas being discussed personal in saying, “Your partner is sick.” But, then she quickly follows that brief hypothetical with the mention of the 1100 statutes. This mix of pathos and logos creates a persuasive argument that gives the feeling of sympathy, but leaves room for logic. Justice Ginsburg then uses “skim milk” as a metaphor for the way same-sex marriages are being treated. This metaphor gives the implication that same-sex marriages have something lacking, which she implies are the benefits given to a traditional married couple. The use of the skim milk metaphor helps to portray her overall disapproval of the current federal policies regarding same-sex marriage. With a simple comparison of same-sex marriage to skim milk, Justice Ginsburg was successful providing a strong counterargument to Clement, and establishing her own position among her fellow Supreme Court Justices.